Francine Dismorr

Week of Hell

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:08:06 GMT

Well, after having the most wonderful time on the long weekend, with an absolutely Angelic child, and seeing a heap of people that we don't get to see often or have not met face to face before we had a nice, relaxing week...Then last friday happened.

Barry was at work, playing touch footy with a few clients, nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary and then whack, he feels like he has been hit in the back of the ankle with a rock, then drops like a sack of potatoes.

Friday afternoon - Appointment with the doctor,
Saturday morning - Ultra-sound on ankle
Monday morning - Collects ultrasound results and sees doctor again. "Total rupture of the left Achilles Tendon"... Requires surgery. Referral to specialist. Gets back to the car and realises he has locked the keys in the car. Calls me, I feed Hannah, get the bus, get into Parramatta to give him my key. We get back home just before 1pm to discover SOME FUCKER HAS BROKEN INTO OUR HOUSE!!!!!

They have stolen my lap top and our video camera. Luckily, because we had been out on Sunday, I still had the camera in the nappy bag otherwise we would have lost all of our photos of Hannah.

Tuesday afternoon - Barry has appointment with specialist, he is booked in for surgery next Monday. Barry's foot is splinted until then. He is not really able to drive. He is completely unable to help me with Hannah, or the housework, or, well, anything at all.

I had plans for this weekend, plans I really want to keep. I have a friends party and a game on saturday night, I organised today to go to my Aunt's place on Sunday. Now, with Barry completely unable to drive I don't see how we will be able to unless he is willing to let me drive him around, and I don't see how I can convince him that it will be ok.

I am keeping it together, but am looking forward to being alone on Monday so that I can have the really big cry that I feel I need to have to get out all the frustration and anger that I am feeling at the moment.

I can't take it out on Barry. I can't let him know how upset I am that I am probably going to miss this weekend.

*sigh* Never mind... we will get through it. We will simply deal with it.

Life in General

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 10:18:07 GMT

Well, life has been interesting. :-)

I am beginning to get the hang of this "Mum" thing. I adore the beautiful little creature we have brought home. She is truly magnificent and astounds me every day :-)

I keep getting caught by looking at her and being swept away with the emotional realisation that this little thing is part of Barry and part of me...

I am getting the hang of breast-feeding, we still have a few struggles, but we are actually getting there. She is having some issues with gas, but we are learning how to deal with that. We bought her a dummy today, and that seems to be doing the trick. She seems to wake up and ask for a feed only to suck for 1/2 a second and then she falls asleep. So we are experimenting with the dummy tonight.

We are going down to Canberra tomorrow. This should be fun and interesting :-D

I am looking forward to getting out of the house, I don't actually think I am going to be able to play over the weekend, but I am seriously looking forward to seeing people. Being in a place where i don't have to worry about the mess is also going to be fantastic :-)

We shall see how this all goes and I will update this when i get back :-)

Birth !!!!

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 09:50:46 GMT

Well, Hannah Bette has arrived!!!

She was born at 4:54pm on Saturday, 5 September 2009.

She was 4.36kg, Which is 9.6 pounds. Measured 53cm long.

She was rather large, quite difficult to get out, but she arrive eventually. Natural, but assisted delivery.

She is beautiful, and very, very much adored by both Mum and Dad and all the rest of the family.

Unfortunately, I cannot load up a picture on here, but I have them on my facebook page.

Labour

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 07:27:20 GMT

Ok, it is now 5:30pm on Wednesday; 3rd September.

I have been in first stage labour for 37 hours. I have managed to have a couple of hours break just now, and got some sleep.

I am getting rather tired. But things are still continuing... It will happen eventually.

Labour

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 20:10:35 GMT

Well, around 4:30 this morning I started the first stages of labour. It is actually looking positive for me to have Podlet today. This is extremely unexpected as it is the day I actually wanted to have the bub :-)

Today is my Mum's birthday. It is also my Grandfather's birthday. If this little one is a boy, it will be named after my Grandfather.

I am looking forward to finding out if I have a Geoffrey or a Hannah :-)

Baby shower

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 11:31:57 GMT

Well, it has been a lovely day.

I had my baby shower. I love my family & my friends. I got so many wonderful things. Some of the high-lights were:

A Winnie the Pooh quilt made by Tina
A yet to be completed red cardigan being knitted by Jules
Some beautifully embroidered bibs from Desiree (with singlets to come)
Fabulous skull & cross bow socks from Tracey, Gav & Jules.

Had fabulous day, unfortunately, we completely forgot to take photographs :) ah well.

Grumbles about early mornings

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 18:35:16 GMT

Yes, I am grumbling in here again :)

Well, it seems I should not allow myself to get over tired. I was so tired today, all day, I finally managed to get to sleep around 12:00. I then woke up around 2:30, as usual, but then, when I tried to go back to sleep, I started having the most bizarre, vivid dream to do with... oh, damn, I don't recall what.

I don't know if it is because I ate dinner late, or because I had too much sugar today. Or perhaps it is simply because I am pregnant. :(

Damn, I know I shouldn't complain. I have had an unbelievably easy pregnancy, I have had almost no issues, I am lucky enough to be pregnant in the first place, but goddamn, I am sick of seeing the early hours of the morning!! I am sick of sleeping on the couch!!!

I want a full night of sleep and I want to be able to share the bed with my husband.

I have 5 weeks (approximately) until I have Podlet. So, I have about 3 months until I can count on any decent amount of sleep, probably longer. But maybe I will be able to sleep in bed again...

I really need to put a post in here when I am feeling good. Because, honestly, I do try not to complain. I know I have been exceptionally lucky with my pregnancy, and I love that I am pregnant. I just, am sick of waking in the early hours. People keep telling me to "get all the sleep I can now". I have to try not to laugh at them. Especially when it mostly comes from people who have not been pregnant for a long time, or never have been.

ok, seriously, am going to stop now, is 4:30 am, maybe I can get a little more sleep before my alarm goes off at 6:15. :(

help???

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 08:29:02 GMT

I need people's assistance.

I have an 80's fancy dress party this weekend. I am 7 months pregnant, I need something to wear.

I think I am simply going to go with accessories.

Does anyone have any hints, tips, something to help me out on this one????

RIP Farrah Fawcett

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 03:12:05 GMT

With the media spotlight on the death of Michael Jackson, the death of Farah Fawcett seems to be passing without a lot of notice.

www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/people/farrah-fawcett-dead-at-62-20090626-cyg9.html

Farrah Fawcett Dead at 62

Actress Farrah Fawcett, best known for her role in television series Charlie's Angels, has died, her long-time companion Ryan O'Neal says. She was 62.

Fawcett died in hospital surrounded by friends and family shortly before 9.30am on Thursday (0230 AEST Friday), reports said.

After a 3 year battle with cancer this one seems to hit home for me a little more for me.

She passed away, in hospital, surrounded by her loved ones.

May she rest in peace away from the pain of cancer and chemo.

I have a few of these people

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 04:17:10 GMT

If there is one person or more on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

Pregnancy - yet another - I know. :)

Thu, 28 May 2009 04:21:42 GMT

I am discovering there are a few things about pregnancy that nobody really tells you.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to be pregnant and am very excited at the prospect of being a Mum. That being said… I celebrated this morning because I managed to sleep all the way through to 5:30 (only 45 min before my alarm goes off) in bed with Barry. (ok, so my back was cramping but that doesn’t matter). No couch for me last night!!!

I have discovered that your paranoia’s are made more extreme (luckily I have not had the vivid dreams and nightmares yet). I have been having issues with paranoia’s that have been under control since I was a kid.

I woke up the other night at 3:00, had to check the doors were locked (not the first time in the past few months) when the back door was discovered to be unlocked I had to check every room in the house to ensure there was not someone lurking. Ok, no one found back to the couch for more sleep… wait, I can’t hear Barry, get up to make sure that he is alive, not horribly murdered in his bed, then could not get back to sleep because my head was facing the door and I couldn’t see if someone was there. Tried moving to the other end of the couch, but that didn’t work so well either as that put my head to the front door.

Another issue is possibly slightly TMI for some of you, so if you don’t want to know about my bowel movements skip to the next paragraph….. Constipation is actually something that they tell you about, however, since I had my bleed, I am terrified of pushing too much. I have been loading myself up with dried fruit, bran, fresh fruit, tinned fruit, anything I can think of that may help. It still doesn’t, not always. The fact that I am terrified that pushing will cause another bleed is not really helping but I just can’t make myself do it.

Then there comes the doubts. I am still terrified about what kind of mother I will be. Logically, I am fairly sure I will be ok. Especially using the theory “if you love them, there is nothing you will fuck up too badly”. Fact of the matter is, you can. No matter how much you love them, you can fuck up badly. I just have to hope and be sensible about things. Also, I know that Barry will be good, I know my Mother was a fairly good Mother and my Sister is a very good Mother. I know a lot of the tricks, and am very good with children… but still.

There is of course the flip side to this as well…

Pod got hiccups for the first time the other day. I had seen things saying that you would feel the baby hiccuping, but couldn’t work out how you would tell the difference between hiccuping and kicking/swimming about… Well, it is really quite clear I discovered. And very cute when you first feel it. Hehe.

We had another appointment today at the clinic. The Midwife that saw us was the same one that saw us when we first came into the hospital when I had my bleed. She is really very lovely and said that she would do her best to ensure that she picked up the file whenever she saw we were coming in. Pod does not like having heartbeat monitored. Made that clear by giving a very firm boot to the monitor. Made us all giggle because it was hard enough that Barry saw my belly move.

I have discovered there is nothing wrong with this child’s energy levels, and it seems to be growing well, and seems quite strong.

The Midwife today made the comment that clearly nothing will budge this child, and that if things continued as they have been I would still be pregnant by 42 weeks. I responded to this by reminding Pod that I wanted a smallish baby, which made her laugh.

I am very glad I went with the option of the Midwives clinic instead of the Dr’s clinic. I feel more comfortable discussing things, and getting the information from the Midwives. I know that sounds silly but basically, the doctors know the facts, the Midwives are the ones that generally do the actual birth. They are the ones who look after you during labour and the ones who are there to help after as well.

Ok, that is probably enough of my rambling for now. A general blurt out of all the little bits I had not previously considered.

Mon, 18 May 2009 16:05:03 GMT

Well, lots happening at the moment, not all of it mine to tell. :)

Pod is growing, Barry is feeling kicks now too. However, tonight it has decided not to allow me to sleep. Not great as I need to have my wits about me for tomorrow night.

I was so tired tonight, and now am feeling wide awake, and unable to sleep. I am going to have to force myself soon though.

Sorry, brain is simply melting onto the page at the moment.

Interesting week.

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 04:00:09 GMT

Well, interesting week.

Had a bit of an issue on Saturday morning. Woke up bleeding. Raced to hospital. Many tests, much discussion. Baby is fine, no explanation for why I had a bleed, but it has now stopped. I was in hospital for 5 days all up. I now have to be very careful, I have to make sure I rest. I have to make sure I don't do too much, or take on too much from other people.

Pod is ok, looking healthy & growing well. I now have a picture.

I have the rest of this week at home, and have to remain resting.

EDIT:
Am now feeling decidedly fat, mostly as it is not actually pregnant shape yet. My belly is just kinda fat & heavy :) Can't wait until it pops into baby belly.

Due date

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 04:00:32 GMT

OMG, due date is 6th September.

How the heck do you get this far pregnant without noticing....

*facepalms*

Apparently, I am not very good at listening to my body...

Awesome News

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 08:10:37 GMT

Ok, so, after what has been a totally crappy couple of weeks/months. I have now received the most awesome news.

Barry and I are pregnant. :D

Baby Dismorr is due mid to late September.

Apparently, it was not just stress messing with my appetite, sleep and emotion levels :D

Hibernation time.

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 00:59:38 GMT

Ok, so, this past fortnight has been tough. Very tough. My Uncle, on my Mother’s side, passed away last Saturday (28^th March) in between the werewolf and changeling games I received the call to let me know he had just passed.

He has been very sick with an uncommon and very aggressive form of Leukaemia. He has battled for a number of years and has hung on since last November so that he could spend some time with his new grandson. Said Grandson, Mitch, was born in December and Leon got to spend 10 weeks with him before he passed away.

The funeral was in Melbourne and very, very beautiful. I put a post up about it last weekend.

I had a wonderful Sunday, hanging out with Beth, buying a new dress, generally relaxing and finding my peace again. I got home feeling sleepy but quite happy and relaxed. I then was sat down by Barry and informed that on the Saturday, (4^th April) while we were driving home, my Uncle on my Father’s side had a heart attack and passed away.

The funeral for that was yesterday, 8^th April. It was a very lovely service, with a large number of people. A difficult day made just that little bit more difficult by the fact that it was our second funeral in such as short space of time.

Barry has been away this week, which also made things a little difficult for me, and no doubt, for him.

I am planning to spend Easter in hibernation. I have cancelled any and all plans. I am not going into any crowded placed. I am not going to do anything with any people I do not know extremely well.

I will almost definitely be online, but am not planning on spending time in the physical company of many people.

I feel like I have been run over a number of times by a rather large truck, both physically and emotionally. I just need some space to… well, heal I think is the best word to use, and process.

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 11:10:32 GMT

Ok, Life is fucked up and someone hates my family.

I had another uncle die yesterday.

The funeral will be on wednesday most likely.

think it may be time for me to hibernate.

Funeral

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 15:51:36 GMT

Well, the funeral was beautiful. Moving, and lovely, with plenty of laughter and good stories.

Leon managed to get a last laugh in. It started storming very loudly about half way through the ceremony it absolutely poured with rain along with huge amounts of thunder & lightening. The rain did not let up until just as the coffin hit the base of the grave. Then it stopped. We were all saturated, our shoes caked in clay and mud, those of us that had slipped were really quite muddy. At least I managed to stay upright…

There were some wonderful stories, and his eldest daughter gave a eulogy. His son, who is the middle child, clearly is focusing on ensuring my Aunt is ok, he was very attentive to her, all day. It was lovely.

His youngest daughter wrote a piece, which completely broke most of us. I am including it in here because it is too beautiful not to share.

Dad,

I have always; and will always have you on a pedestal. You are my marathon running, chilli consuming, black-belting, jaw breaking, apple core munching, trolley riding, Hero.

You gave us your whole self as if it was nothing – as if all men are as devoted as you. I took it for granted that all fathers are as affectionate, fun loving and ever-present.

I will forever yearn for the signature whistle you used when you walked in the front door. You made such a warm and happy home for us, you loved us and you loved Mum. You never let us doubt that, even in times of hardship and rebellion.

I will remember you as the strong father who carried me sleeping from the car, who swam in the surf with me bonded to his back, who came when I called in the middle of the night, who kept me safe.

For each time I cry for you, I will remember you and smile one hundred times more.

He was clearly loved by so many people and will be missed greatly.

Note to self...

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 00:48:17 GMT

I should have learnt by now that posting at 2:30-3:00 in the morning, when I am feeling my worst is just not the wisest plan in the world.

I am coping ok, possibly the lack of sleep is actually a benefit.

Am really very concerned for my cousins. The guilt of being relieved someone is no longer sick/in pain is intense, I remember how bad I felt with that when Karen passed away.

I have organised our accommodation for while we are in Melbourne. I am not sure what else is happening, don't even know what day the funeral is yet.

Ok, time to head and get some urgent things, like a swimming costume. Because were we are staying, they have a pool and that will be good for me.

Death...

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 15:59:21 GMT

Ok, so, my Uncle passed away tonight (technically, last night, as it is now 3 in the morning).

I was feeling really messed up all day (we had werewolf and changeling today, I found out before werewolf that it was most likely the next 24 hours).

Basically, I was stressed and on the verge of tears the entire way through Werewolf. Slightest things kept setting me off. Then, as I was attempting to eat dinner I get the message saying definitely tonight.. more tears... followed by a phone call just before VC/ST rant for Changeling saying that it had happened.

For some reason, I am better able to cope with the fact that he is gone than the anticipation. I have been through all of this before, Karen - was at her bedside, Helen, had all the phone calls, Now Leon.

I just feel so drained, I can't sleep because I know that as soon as I stop, my brain will start thinking things through and I won't be able to hold it in any longer.

I really wanted Barry when I got home, but he is sick and was asleep. This would also be bringing up all sorts of things about his mum because Leon was diagnosed about 3 weeks after Karen passed away. I just feel numb, and yet can't stop the tears from falling and the crying. On top of this, we have people staying & more coming tomorrow because it is flat-mates birthday and she is having a thing on. I am going to have to be a good hostess... luckily, many of the people coming are good friends and they will understand. One is a 16 year old boy who was here a couple of weeks ago when I was having a melt down day... I am sure he has a great opinion of us... but I don't care.

Ok, thank you all for listening. Even if you don't care.

I will most likely not be on-line over the next week (will be in Melbourne for funeral) but will be taking computer so as to have the option.

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 02:42:27 GMT

Ok, I only seem to post on here when I am in extremes of emotion.

Today, life sucks.

I feel ill, I ate something dodgy and now I feel ill. I have started to improve. Which is good.

My Uncle is in hospital again.

They are not expecting him to last the week. Again. Only this time he does not have a grandchild about to be born. This time he does not have anything to pull himself through for.

I want to curl up into a little ball and hide from the world. Just for a couple of hours. Maybe that is why I was ill today. To give myself a chance to hide. Emily is not home today, so there is no one around to interrupt my crying. I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad.

I want someone to just hold me. give me cuddles, but Barry won't be home for hours. Oh, I don;t know what I want.

I feel fucked up. I know it is going to be soon, and I don't want it to be. I knew that christmas was going to be the last time I saw him. Doesn't make it easier.

What's Your Personality Type - From Bethling

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 23:46:00 GMT

You Are An ENFJ

The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and you usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

In love, you are very protective and supporting.
However, you do need to "feel special" - and it's quite easy for you to get jealous.

At work, you are a natural leader. You can help people discover their greatest potential.
You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

How you see yourself: Trusting, idealistic, and expressive

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Bossy, inappropriate, and loud

What's Your Personality Type?

Meme from Kittenmorag

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 12:42:36 GMT

The below is a response to a meme by kittenmorag . She gave me 5 topics to ~~rant about~~ discuss.

1) Sexual identity

Ok, This is actually a slightly difficult one. I grew up having a sister who was gay. It has never been a strange thing for me. I had rumours around school about me since I was about 14 or 15. I never had a boyfriend at high school. I kissed a boy or two, but nothing more.

Due to the above reasons, I tried dating a girl when I was 18. At the time, I figured I didn't like it much because I was actually straight, I have since come to a slightly different conclusion, that it was actually a lack of experience on both our parts that created the um.... lack of enjoyment (the sex was horrible).

I lost my virginity to a guy in a drunken fuck at a friends party. He was a guy that had, or has since, slept with every female in that group. That was just before I was twenty. I started dating Oren when I was twenty. He was agoraphobic, and had panic attacks, so we did not go out. However, after the first date (which was a disaster and was the night after we first slept together) I decided that was actually unimportant (date was a complete failure) and I really just really liked having sex with him. He was very good at it. He taught me a lot. I had already met Barry and we were quite good friends. I dumped Oren just over a week before my 21st birthday. His response to me dumping him was "fair enough but do you mind if we still fuck?". I decided the answer to that was yes, I do mind. I was single for one week then started dating Barry. This was 3 days before I turned 21.

Barry and I have been together ever since. We have our 7th wedding anniversary on 20th April.

I have, since maturing properly and actually becoming an adult. I have discovered that I may actually be bisexual, however, due to the fact that I am married to my soul-mate and believe in monogamy, I will never be able to explore that. It is a part of myself that I am curious about, but do not mind that I will not be able to discover it.

Quite apart from the above, despite being a very physical person, and someone who greatly enjoys to flirt with, well, everyone I feel comfortable with, I am actually not a particularly sexual person.

(ok, that was a more complicated response than I expected)

2) Costuming

I adore costuming. I have so much fun with it. I also have a bad habit of getting far more excited about clothing & accessories, including scents, for my characters than I do for me.

I also enjoy dressing up. I think one of my favourite this about gaming is the fact that I get to continue what was, as a child, my favourite passtime. Dress ups. I kept my dress up box until I was 14 when I got so embarrassed when one of my friends asked me why I still had it that I tossed it :).

3) Cuddles

Cuddles I adore. I love the comfort, the love, the affection, the feeling. I love that they make you feel safe when you are feeling nervous or uncomfortable. They calm you when you are worked up or uptight. They cheer you up if you are sad. They feel great at just about any time.

They are good for greetings. They are good for good bye's. They are good for "I feel lonely" moments.

They are awesome for "I am really happy" or "I am really sad" moments.

I love that I am now surrounded by people who are not put off by the fact that sometimes, I will just walk up to them and give them a cuddle. Or wrap my arms around them and stay there. I am relieved that the friends I have now are not so straight-laced that I can only give them one hug for hello and one for good bye.

I am quite sure it is part of the reason some of my friendships from school have recently broken down. I cannot abide the lack of affection.

One of my most memorable moments, was after a game of Mage, I went to a party. Now, bearing in mind that this was Izetta, who spent the entire game with her arms wrapped around Angel - Beth's character. I stood at this party, waiting for Barry to turn up and realised "oh, god, I need snuggles". It pointed out to me, very clearly, how much I had been suppressing my affection levels for years.

4) Shouting Matches In Character

I love having shouting matches in character. I rarely do, but it is usually extremely cathartic. Generally, they are with players whom I love and trust, however, lately, my characters have been going on IRC :).

I have had a couple of really good ones in game. One, awesome one, in werewolf. Directed at Barry & Chaedy's characters. :) yelled so hard I hurt my throat. Actually, another fantastic one - my first as an Alpha in Werewolf - was with Katie's character. It was great. We both almost death raged in the back of a car. hehe.

I really do try hard not to yell at players I don't know, or have OoC issues with. If I don't know them, I cannot be sure how they will take it, or how it will affect their opinion of me, and I can't stand to have people not like me. I don't deal well with it. If it is someone I have an issue with OoC, I will not yell, because I don't know that I will stop. I cannot guarantee, to myself, that I will not take it too far. Due to this, I just don't.

My characters also yell a lot more when I am tired. Well, Ripple (DnD Larp) does anyway. Actually Eloise (Werewolf) does too.

5) Insomnia

I don't like insomnia. I loose my brain. I loose my cool. I loose my ability to deal with friends & my own issues.

I also seem to lose my ability to deal with minor irritations. They all become major. Then, just to top it all off, I become a whiner. I do not like whining. I am happy to sit & listen to my friends issues & problems & dramas for hours. I do not expect them to have to listen to mine. I especially do not expect them to have to listen to me going on about "wah, I can't sleep, I'm tired." it just irritates me.

I like my sleep. I lurve my sleep. And as soon as the nicotine withdrawals fade away, i am sure I will be able to get some again.

Well, I hope so anyway.

Life, the universe & everything....

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 02:34:31 GMT

Ok, so, life at the moment is really quite good…

Family

My uncle is out of ICU, talking, laughing, off all the medications, off the dialysis. So astounding what the human body will go through and yet survive, as long as the spirit is strong enough.

My cousin is due to give birth to her first child (my Uncle’s first Grandchild) and he seems to be determined to hang on at least until then.

Theatre

I have closing night of King Lear tomorrow night. The first week of this was far from ideal. People, including me, did not know their lines, but people have been putting in a huge amount of effort, including me, and this week should be awesome.

On top of the above, it is also closing night. This means that I will finally be able to actually sleep. I will stop waking up with my fists clenched and/or my arms crossed.

It also means that I will have my Monday and Wednesday nights back. Monday night means I get to sleep, Wednesday night means that I will actually be able to get properly involved in the SCA.

Camarilla

I am no longer the VC for the Changeling game. This job, whilst very interesting, has been a little too time consuming & eventful for my sanity levels to deal with. This job has been kindly taken over by someone else. This means I can now just turn up & enjoy the games. This is an awesome thing.

Retail Therapy

I have been buying myself lots of pretty things. I am now smelling pretty, have props for animal companions etc and have new jewellery to go with my elf ears. This is so cool.

Sewing

With the play over, I will now be able to put a little more time & effort into my sewing. This means I may actually manage to build up a reasonably decent regular wardrobe. I have some magnificent Chinese silks & some pin stripe fabrics that I want to make new stuff out of.

I also want to try & get away from Red a little bit. I have a lot of red in my wardrobe, one of the silks is red, but I also have the blue & the green, so all good.

Home

OK, so, we are having someone move in with us. This is hopefully a short-term thing, but I have a feeling it will not be. We have previously discussed with another friend about having her live with us in the new year when she is looking for work and a new place to stay. This means that the girl moving in with us next week will, I think, be moved into the study when the other person comes to stay with us.

Now, the reason this is interesting is because I have never before had flatmates. I lived with my family (of course) and when I moved out, it was to move in with my husband. We were engaged, not yet married, we then moved back in with my parents and have now been living at our current address for just over 6 months.

So, I am a little trepidatious (I am not sure if that is actually a word, but I am using it anyway) of having my first flatmate be such an insecure & socially phobic person. I am hoping that having her move in with us will help her. I am a very socially active and self confident person. Hopefully this will be of assistance to her. She will also have her own room, even when she moves into the study, she will still have space that is her own.

Conclusion

I am seriously looking forward to next week. Getting time to spend with my people. All of them. Out side of games, outside of theatre. Get more time to spend with my family (have not been able to spend decent time with my sister since she moved to Newcastle).

Ok, so, those of you that have bothered to read this ridiculously long post, will now be completely confused as to where my head is at. This is due to two things. 1 – sleep deprivation. I am quite seriously sleep deprived and that is showing through via my inability to think cohesively. 2 – there are so many things going around in my head at the moment even I am not entirely sure where my head is at.

Bottom line – I am feeling very happy & content & at peace with my life as of Sunday. And know that the trip to the river that I am planning with the girls will be very much a reset for my brain.

Cancer

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 22:21:31 GMT

OK, so, yet another impending death in my family due to cancer. My uncle is currently on life support. He has an infection of some description. This is an uncle that was diagnosed with cancer in his spine less than a month after my mother-in-law passed away from ovarian cancer.

Earlier this year, my Aunt passed away due to bone cancer which was a secondary from the breast cancer she battled 16 years ago.

I have so much happening this week, I am now not sure if I am going to have to drop everything & go down to Melbourne for a funeral. I am now not entirely certain that I will be able to, because if I have to go down to Melbourne, what happens with the play. I can’t just miss it. Barry & I are both in it. I will have to make sure I am back before November 15.

I don’t understand why cancer has to be so prevalent now days. Is it simply that we are more aware of it? The fact that we are now more able to diagnose it? Or is it that our lifestyle and the chemicals in the atmosphere make it more prevalent.

It is a disgusting, filthy, scum-sucking whore of a disease. I hate it. It has taken the most beautiful woman in the world from me (my mother-in-law) and now it is about to deprive my cousins of their father. This is a man that my father has known since he was a teenager (my father introduced my aunt and uncle after he started dating my mother).

I am sitting here, at work, trying to work out if I can deal with this week. I am leaning more towards not being able to deal with things this week, that actually being able to cope. But that could be the fact that I didn’t sleep well last night (can’t imagine why).

FUCK. THIS. SHIT.